We had Communion

 Yesterday in church, we had communion.

Aside from whatever focused commentary is given by the pastor during communion, it's routine for me to quietly acknowledge the breaking of his body and to consider his painful sacrifice. (Um, ouch). So after I receive the elements, I break it between my fingers before I lift it to my mouth along with everyone else.

But yesterday, with several pieces of wafer (body of Christ) now broken and pinched between my 2 fingers, I realized that I may have taken this step a little too soon, because the pastor continued to speak longer than expected. 😳 As he did, teensy tiny crumbs began to fall off from my hand onto my dress.

I watched a few collect in my lap and thought about the fullness of Jesus' sacrifice, and how many are faithful to receive some, but not all of His purchase. 

What exactly did he die for?

Through His death, what has been made available to us? This is a question I love to contemplate. It's like an elephant in the room of every interaction I have with another believer.

Had I taken this free gift as just a ticket to "eternal salvation" after death, NOTHING in my life would be what it is now. 

When I received the gift of eternal life, I received a totally new identity. I became a new person. Like- for real. I'm not just saying that. It's not just a spiritual identity change. My life supernaturally transformed into a culture of attributes and tendencies I HAD NOT PREVIOUSLY BEEN EXPOSED TO. Fairly quickly, everything around me was totally different. The way I talked, interacted with others, responded to conflict, parented my kids, regarded my spouse, and how I spent my time on a daily basis. Not only that- My physical world changed drastically. DRASTICALLY. 

Where I lived. -There was no longer a sketchy lady knocking on my door at 2 am for a cigarette and 2 rolls of toilet paper 🤣 every other day. (Oh, I quit smoking and drinking.) 
The vehicle I drove changed. -My baby no longer had to suffer a cold and windy drive to daycare because the back seat window was broken.
My bills were paid. -Low income housing in the projects became a thing of the past. 
My bank account looked different. My credit score rose. A house was purchased. 
The clothes in my closet- I had some, and they weren't donations from a shelter closet. 
My countenance, hope for the future, and even my perspective: appreciation, empathy, understanding and peace about the past changed.

Prior to Jesus, all I saw laid before me was a well-paved path to repeated dysfunction and brokenness. After Jesus, I was translated to a totally different path. Everything was different. And He is still setting me free, revealing the crumbs I fail to grab hold of. Where would I be if I hadn't known all He has done for me? 

What are the “crumbs” of His sacrifice that we're failing to partake of? 

Relationship restoration? Wisdom and insight? 

Physical healing? Financial stability? 

The identification, development and use of gifts and talents? Freedom from fear? Emotional regulation?

I challenge you to seek for yourself, what is His GOOD AND PERFECT Will for our lives? Study the Word! His promises are there.     (See Deuteronomy 28 & Galatians 3)

Isaiah 43:19 
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

(Sidenote: The act of taking communion is important and holy, but don't be confused. Dropping wafer crumbs isn't significant. The consideration of what the wafer represents IS.)

If Any of Us Lack Wisdom

5But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. 7For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, 8being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

"But if any of you lacks wisdom"... I think we all qualify in some measure, as someone lacking wisdom.

 

We recently had a new pickleball court installed in our neighborhood. This last summer, Manny visited the court frequently to meet his friends for a game. On more than one occasion, he would call home, asking for either a ride home for him and his friends, or for me to deliver something to them on the field. Sometimes before even making the request to me yet, I’d hear him on the other end of the line, telling his friends, “Hold on. I’m calling my mom to come.”

As Manny began reading James 1 to me this morning, those instances flashed in my mind. I ran a scenario by him. “Let’s say you were outside playing, and got really hot and thirsty, so you decided to come in for water. Do you think I might say no?” He laughed and said, “No. You want me to drink water.” Then we laughed as he pointed out his doubts would he instead be asking for soda. Haha. “That’s the confidence God wants us to have when asking Him for Wisdom!” He knows we need it, just like I know we need to drink water. He wants us to recognize our need for it, too, so I imagine He’s pretty happy when we ask, just like I’m happy when I see you ask for water instead of soda. 

Very often, I compare and contrast my responses and desires toward my kids with God’s responses and desires toward me. I have so much to learn; a long way to go, so I’m thankful for the endless ways that he uses my kids to teach me.

It’s as easy as taking a breath, closing your eyes, and saying, Lord, would you give me your wisdom? I’m thirsty!”

Honest Entry Jan 8, 2025

Luke 10 Jesus Sends Out the Seventy-Two
(And Every One of Us Who Endeavor to Return Our Call To The Kingdom)

Luke 10 After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. 2 He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. 3 Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. 4 Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road.

Yesterday, we sent my baby- actually, my fully grown, intelligent, well equipped and determined, first born 19-year old, Myah, back to bible school across the country for second semester. Saying goodbye was as hard as I anticipated. NATURALLY, my head and heart swirled throughout the day as I wrestled to bring my comfortable and fleshy desires (her staying home with me, where I can confirm her wellbeing with my own eyes) into submission to God’s Will for her in this season of life. Only a college mom will understand the weight of the task.

As I worked all that out silently yesterday after taking her to the airport, that beautiful daughter of mine threw me a curve ball by letting her phone die along her travels. Then, once safely back atop the freshly snow-laid mountains and roads of Colorado, instead of updating me with the (um, hello…) UNIVERSALLY KNOWN and EXPECTED, “I made it back safely,” text, she instead stayed out with her friends all evening and didn’t update anyone on where she was. (Uhm… the audacity). To be completely honest, I was so weak about it last night that I had to retreat to my bedroom to save my family from the ferris wheel of thought patterns that I’m sure sent vibes throughout the house as time ticked on with no word from her:

1- I’m worried. She would be back at the house by now and would have plugged her phone in.

2- She’s totally fine. Nothing to fear. I’m sure her friends (whom I don’t know and can’t identify) are trustworthy… Know how to drive the mountain in snow.… Have good intentions… 

3- I’m SO mad! If she’s fine, why wouldn’t she just let us know she made it okay though? Where’s she going to go with a bunch of bags and suitcases for this long?

Repeat until 10:45 at night. 

It’s all resolved now, but after having it out with her this morning, I couldn’t help but have her on the forefront of my mind as I continued my reading in Luke. I searched myself for unwarranted fear and as I set out to renew my mind, I imagined her name in the place of “the 72” talked about in Luke 10.

“The Lord appointed Myah and sent her on ahead of Him, two-by-two.”  

Jesus sent them two-by-two. I thought about the benefits of going in pairs. Remember our buddy system as kids on field trips? My experiences lead me to wonder if Jesus did this for not only the sake of strength in the agreement of shared faith, but because of the safety of an accountable partner on the journey. Being her mom, I’d preferred that she’d taken a trusted driver that I’d known and approved of. I’d preferred she’d had her phone charged so that quick help from a trusted source was a phone call away. At the very least, I’d asked that she update me when she made it to town, so that I could take account of her myself. 

I read verse 3:

“Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves.”

My heart said, “That’s exactly how I feel!” I feel like I’m sending my little lamb out among wolves alone. I wanted my evaluation of the situation to be validated as much as I wanted the tools to respond the right way. It seemed to me that Jesus’ words here did that a bit. “Yeah. It’s true! You’re not unreasonable. They’re going out as lambs among wolves. Having safe guards isn’t a bad idea.”

I continue on to read later in the chapter about the 72 returning to Jesus: 

17 The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.”

18 He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. 19 I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.

I thought about Myah popping up through text this morning, all perky and unbothered- just like the joyful 72. “Oh. Sorry. I’m home. I have my phone.” Of course I was happy that none of the fears that bombarded my mind last night were true. She was fine and completely confident in God’s loving protection! But.. well, my response to Myah's text wasn’t at all like Jesus’ in verse 21.

21 At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.

I always say, ABOVE ALL ELSE, I want my kids to grow to know God for themselves, and to walk in relationship with Him. I honestly am so thankful that Myah is choosing to prioritize her pursuit of Him at all costs- even placing herself so far from home, which isn't something she endeavored to do at all after high school. I've seen her determined to put one foot in front of the other, overcoming fear and discomfort by putting her trust in the name of Jesus, just like the 72.

This morning, I regret to inform you that I wasn’t quick enough to turn to God and praise Him for giving her the faith and confidence in her mission, and for His faithfulness to provide and protect her while she goes. I was too peeved. Instead, I focused on drilling her about the steps of safe traveling, and honestly, I guilt tripped her about not reassuring me of her safety. That’s my bad, despite my good intentions.

I always come across articles about college kids venturing out and hear all about the mom-hearts as we prepare to watch THE KIDS stumble and summersault through the next phase, returning home for reassurance and advice from us wise moms and dads. I don’t see a lot online about all the lessons WE learn through it. So, if you’re a mom just trying to stand on the right side of the Word today for your family, welcome to the club. That’s me, too. 

Sincerely, 

A big kid, running back to my Father God for reassurance and advice.

22 “All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows who the Son is except the Father, and no one knows who the Father is except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.”

23 Then he turned to his disciples and said privately, “Blessed are the eyes that see what you see. 24 For I tell you that many prophets and kings wanted to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.”

I praise you, Father, Lord of Heaven and Earth, because you continue to reveal yourself to me. For your guiding hand on my treasure, Myah, revealing Yourself also to her.