January 25, 2017

All in Good Fun

Two years ago, Tomas did what I thought he’d never do. He handed me a little box with a tiny brown and white maltipoo puppy in it on the night of my birthday. I was shocked because over the previous 10 years of our relationship, he wasn’t at all shy about stating his dislike of house dogs. It’s not that he doesn’t like animals or doesn’t (secretly) think they’re cute. He just doesn’t like the idea of a barking, slobbering, shedding ball of fur running through the house demanding walks and food and treats that she can’t pay for herself.
- Which is why the dog that he gave me, Winnie, has only grown to a whopping 5 pounds, and is hypoallergenic and doesn’t slobber.

He spent the next several months taking a beating from our friends as one by one they made jokes about his lack of backbone. I beamed when I would catch these conversati
ons because he’s usually such a hard-ass and has never been big on displaying affection. Through our entire relationship, that present was one of the sweetest gestures he’s ever made to me. It was a true testament to doing something selflessly. There was really nothing in it for him.

This morning, I woke up a little disappointed because I went to sleep early with a headache while he sat up on the couch alone. I have friends who often go to bed at separate times, but this is something we both decided we never wanted to get in the habit of.
Let me side track for just a sec: When our middle child, Natalie was just a few months old, we shared a conversation with my good friend and most trusted spiritual advisor, Chris, about bedtime. Having had a toddler in the house and then a new infant who was nursing full-time, I was having a hard time getting into a routine of getting the girls to bed at a decent hour. Every night, Tomas would go to bed first, and I would wait up in the living room for Myah and Natalie. I didn’t even realize how much it was affecting me until Tomas and I mentioned it to Chris. I remember she kind of sat back in her chair and folded her arms and was like, “NU-UH! You’ve gotta get those kids in their own beds at a decent hour!”
Me: “But they’re little. Natalie nurses to sleep and Myah doesn’t want to go to bed while         Natalie stays up! It’s not fair! They cry!”
Chris: “Tough luck. (insert her mommy voice:) I love you, but buh-bye! It’s night-night time!” *chuckles..“You need time alone! When are you gonna have time together? How you gonna have SEX?!” *more chuckles..
I wasn’t immediately sold, but Tomas was! Several days later, he recruited me to enforce bedtime. It took us a week of hour long screaming fits to get Natalie to put herself to sleep but Tomas wouldn’t let me give in.

People, that week changed our lives!

Since then, we’ve both really valued our nights together. Sometimes we make popcorn or get out the hidden snacks and watch a movie. Sometimes we embark on a 6 month long Netflix adventure or listen to 90’s music while we play rummy. We bake cookies or laugh at funny memes or old vines, or.. well… you know. Most importantly, most of us use quiet time at night to consider our goals, triumphs and concerns. A big part of my nightly thought process is shared with my partner and i don’t want it any other way.
And so, I had to say all that to explain why I was so disappointed to go to bed alone last night. I find myself doing it too much lately and it’s my goal not to let it happen.
As I got up from the couch to walk toward my room last night, I joked with Tomas about how he … “don’t even love me! You never gives me a massage! I’m uncomfortable, have a headache and you KNOW physical touch is my love language! Gimme a massage!”
-in a calm voice without even looking at me, ”No.”

...Ten years of a losing fight with this man, all I want is a decent back massage! This kind of unbreakable will is what made me so shocked he caved and gave me the dog.

While a massage WOULD BE NICE…..(hello, are you reading this?).... I know there are still many things to be thankful to my husband for.
This morning as I slumped over the Keurig machine in disappointment of my husbandless night last night, I noticed a half eaten candy bar in the cupboard and smiled. I was reminded of another sweet thing Tomas does for me without fail. Once a month, during the most crucial week of the month, he buys me a candy bar to make me feel better. He buys himself one too.. and it seems as though he only ate half of his last night. So, I took it upon myself to finish his for him. (Fine. Keep your massage. I’ll eat your candy bar!)

Love and miss you today, Tomas.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

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